Do you ever get that nagging feeling that there is something wrong with you?
That if you just tried harder, figured out the right stuff to do, the right way to look, that you'd finally become the person you are supposed to be?
(I mean this in the sweetest way possible;)
You already are enough, exactly the way you are, precisely because that is who you are, and who you are --> is fucking incredible.
There is nothing wrong with your fundamental self, but thinking there is can hold us back from discovering the most awesome parts of our personalities and abilities.
You are who you are, regardless of what other people see or don't see.
When you are ready, when you are able, own your own particular make-up, your inner rhythms and passions, your unique way of being in this world. 'Cuz it's good.
Whatever your way is, that's the right way for you to be, because that's the way you are. You will change over the years, but it all starts from right here, from where you are right now.
There is no absolute need to fulfill an outside standard of yourself in order to be a valid member of this world. You may fill outside standards at specific times, for specific reasons, this is very skillful and, at times, necessary for getting to where you need to go. But all you ever really need to be is you. And anyone who can't accept that, has their own stuff to work out. (as we all do ;)
So just be whatever it is you are, because Who You Are is what this world really needs.
The only way to let others love you, is to just be you.
Just be what you are, and see what happens next. You may surprise yourself ;)
[Disclaimer: I do not mean this as some kind of license for poor behavior. We do not have the freedom to harm others. I say this based on the belief that underneath all our layers of pain and shame and conditioning, most people are truly good people who genuinly want the best for the ones they love. Act on THIS.]
If you could see me on this day, exactly ten years ago, you would see a scared, beautiful young woman, standing on the edge of an abyss so dark, so hollow, and so vast, you would think it had no end. My heart was shattered, and for the first time I could see that the sorrow coming up in me was not just about an ex-boyfriend. Suddenly, all my "issues" were staring me right in the face, demanding my full attention. I had some shit to work out. I had not caused these problems, nor did I deserve them, but it was clear that I was the only person who would be able to heal them. I had a choice to make: I could either jump in with my whole heart and fight for my own life, or I could stay on solid ground, and slowly waste away, losing more and more of myself with every passing year.
I chose to dive in, head first, with no idea if I would ever make it out in alive.
If I could write a letter to that confused, terrified, perfect person, this is what it would say:
To You, You Dearest of Souls:
I know that you’re having a really hard time right now, and it just seems to be getting worse everyday. I am so sorry. The sucky thing is, it's might be awful for a while longer yet. So here are some essential things to remember while you try to feel better:
1) Who you are is okay. I know you usually don’t feel that way (and that’s okay too;) but you are a good and beautiful person, exactly as you are right now.
2) Your inner torment will gradually loosen. It may take a long time, and a lot of effort, and some help from a few key people, but it will get a little bit better with every passing year. You may not always notice it because this kind of change is really slow, but one day, you will look at your life and be able to say “Things are still hard sometimes, but at least it’s better now than it was then.”
3) You are on the right path. Just keep going. Just keep looking for those things that help you, that give you a sense of hope and possibility. The more you look, the more they will magically show up around you.
4) There are some very real and important reasons for why you feel the way you feel. You may never understand perfectly what those reasons are, but your pain and confusion have actual roots, and they will gradually lift.
5) You will find love and joy. I know this for a fact ;)
6) Travel. As much as you can. As soon as you can. Physically, Spiritually, Mentally. Expose yourself to as much of the world as you are able to. It will help you understand your particular place in it.
7) You are completely capable of doing what you need to do in order to get to where you need to go. The keys are already inside of you.
8) You are not crazy. (But it’s also okay if you feel like you are from time to time;)
9) Have fun. Do your work. Sleep at night. Eat your food. That’s really all you ever have to do. The secrets you’re looking for will appear as they appear.
10) There is an Indescribable Force of the DIVINE reaching out from deep within you, adamantly pulling you toward the places you need to go. Let it do the work it needs to do, because it will NEVER stop loving you.
You are in a key place in your life. Offer yourself all the love and compassion you can muster, and come back to these words whenever you lose your sense of hope that things will, indeed, get better. You are a treasure to this world.
It's supposed it be hard.
Things are supposed to suck sometimes.
It's perfectly alright if they do!
THINGS FUCKING SUCK!!!!!
Good for you!
They should suck.
We are meant to go through awful experiences.
Not just because they help us grow or they help us empathize with others...
...but because things are awful sometimes!
I have never gotten to know anyone who did not have serious problems.
And why shouldn't we?
The expectation that we should have a happy, easy, picture perfect life is bullshit.
It just makes it that much more confusing when we don't.
We can't get away from life.
We can just be here...
...do the best we can do...
...look for people who make us feel a little bit better...
Smile and laugh when we can.
Cry and scream when we must.
It's the only way through.