I'd much rather play with the custom calendar I'm making.
I really don't want to expose my thoughts and feelings to you.
You see, if I let you see what I'm really thinking and feeling, you might have your own thoughts and feelings about mine! And I don't know if I can handle that.
Even positive thoughts can make me uncomfortable.
So it would be much easier to just not worry about blogging today.
But, alas, I made a commitment to myself, and I want to show Whitney that I respect her by honoring the commitment I made to her.
So here I am, not knowing what to say, but knowing I don't feel like saying it.
You see, this blogging thing is f***ing vulnerable!
And oh, that feeling is uncomfortable. I feel it in my chest, like a swelling balloon, saying "it would be better to just avoid this altogether."
I am much better at staying quiet. I am very good at listening.
I like to talk, but often times, my truest thoughts come out when I'm alone, with my hands doing the sharing. At least that way, when I'm writing, I can pretend that no one will ever read this. And then I trick myself into putting it out there into the world so quickly that I barely realize what I've just done.
I don't like this.
And that's okay.
Maybe I'll just write this bare-bones blogpost just to see if I'm still alive after it reaches the interworlds.
What's the point of all this?
I have no idea.
Except to say, that I'm finally putting my truest thoughts out there for the world to see, and it is scaring the shit out of me.
with all my love,
Whitney Rhiannon Till