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I Need Spring So Badly It Hurts

3/7/2014

2 Comments

 
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I am so ready for Spring, it hurts.

Almost each day now, I feel a melancholy wash over me.

I search through all the storage lockers of my mind for the reason why.

And then I step into the blaring sunlight and know:

I'm just done with winter.

I need this to be over.

I need the next part to begin.


I am wondering if waking up to Spring is not much different than falling asleep to Winter.

I have to make it happen.

In the beginning of December, I was ready for everything to go away.

I was ready to be wrapped in blankets of snow.

To rejoice in the darkness.

To say "Look how lucky we are to have shelter and warmth!!"

I didn't cause the snow to fall or the sun to set early, but I made space for it in my life.

The season entered by its own power, and I offered up my whole body to the shift that had to happen.

We built our ritual nest and climbed in for weeks on end.

I stopped all work and let my mind slow down to the pace of the season.

I let die what had to die.

I brought winter into myself.


Is it any different now with Spring?

This season that I am so desperate to see happen, must I first create it within myself?

I need Spring.

I need sun, ground, and life.

I need this snow to melt and leave me alone forever.

I need these birds to surround me in their song every moment of every day.

I need this sun to blind me with its light and heat.

My body needs this.

And yet, I can't make it happen.

I am at the mercy of the skies and the trees and the light to do what they will do.

I must wait on them.

So what do I do with this incredible urge insisting that Spring come NOW?


This is my own absolute determination to be here, to be seen, to become.

This is the force of my own bud pushing its way up through frozen ground.

It is building and building and threatening to burst.

And burst it will.

Just as the crocuses will burst from the ground one day soon, so must I.

Against this hard soil holding me down, frozen.

Until I break through the soil and erupt with my own color.

I am the bud, pushing, not yet emerged.

I am the seed of the flower, open and taking root.

Forcing myself out of this old casing and into a new body, a bigger being, a greater force.

I can feel myself roaring to come alive.

Utterly determined to make myself be known.

To make myself be seen.

I am this tiny force against this heavy earth.

And I have absolute conviction to do what I must do.

This is the push of Winter into Spring.

And I am so ready to do it.
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Love,


Whitney Rhiannon Till

2 Comments
Chris link
3/7/2014 09:01:58 pm

8:00 a.m., red cardinals are singing outside the house, a crow cawed, it's coming soon.

Reply
Chris Till
2/22/2018 06:32:57 pm

I need spring now too! Can't wait to go on our winter vacation though.

Reply



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    Notes on Healing
    Hello! You have found my original blog from 2013-2014.
    I wrote these words as I was navigating my way through some major life transitions. I have since birthed my second child and been through countless more challenges and blessings. You can some of my fresher thoughts on my main page-
    ​The Freckled Planner.

    I am so happy you're here!

    I am Whitney Rhiannon Till, and I am passionate about finding ways to undo that which holds us back, and create the lives that we most deeply yearn for.

    May the outpourings of my soul best meet the needs of yours. I love to share about what I have learned during the simple act of being alive, including:

    How we keep ourselves WELL when things are hard.
     
    How we ENJOY life to the fullest extent possible whenever we can.

    How we CONNECT to the people we love.

    How we find FREEDOM within ourselves.

    How we find PURPOSE where we need it.

    How we practice PRESENCE everyday.

    All of these things are so important to me. If you feel a resonance with me, then please, FEAST!

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